New experiments can warp a young mind, but it looks like I transformed into some sort of rabid environmentalist overnight! Along with repeated exposure to 90s educational documentaries about how much trash “The Average American” generated during a year (1460 pounds - a figure I thought was unrealistic then, but seems entirely plausible now that I get to tote leaky bags of garbage down four flights of stairs), surely something that transpired the night before inspired this sudden bout of underlining fervor.
It’s clear I knew that pollution was bad; it’s equally clear that I had no idea how it worked. Pollution is caused by our endless consumption, our cars and ships, and our laziness, not a gigantic space toilet shooting cans of soda at us. Despite this crucial - and awesome - misconception, what’s really important is that I was cognizant at a young age the critical threat pollution posed to the Earth, and that’s why I, uh, recycle some stuff.
In retrospect, I’m not sure all the melodrama here was necessary. We’ve been enjoying unseasonably warm weather here in New York all week. Since pollution causes global warming, and global warming is false when it’s cold where you live, it follows that when it’s hot, global warming is true, which means that pollution is the reason it feels like fucking springtime in October! BOOM.